Something To Forget

From start of the year till now, I think luck had not been with me.
I experienced extreme worries in early part of 2010.
Resulting from which, suffered many sleepless nights.
And losing my purpose and motivation in my life.
But luckily, I managed to snap out of it.
At least, this taught me something -- 'think before you act'.

I also experienced first hand why people said 'money spoils friendship'.
I believed in a friend whom I knew for 10 years.
I help him financially when he was down.
All I get in return were excuses after excuses and empty promises.
I always believed in keeping to promises. But he doesn't.
The basic courtesy would be to explain, not make further promises.
But he didn't.
I am disappointed but most importantly, I had only myself to blame.
For trusting people so easily.

I also felt that maybe I had made a wrong decision in early 2010.
I forsake something which had been with me for 3 years.
To choose something which I felt will be mine for the next 30 years.
But now, I am not sure if it can last more than a year.
If you asked me now if I had regretted making such a decision.
I do not know how to answer.
I only know I had to make a decision at that time.
And that was the decision I made myself. So, I can't say I regretted.
I am still hoping that my decision is correct.
But I felt that my hopes are diminishing slowly each day.

I also could not hold back my temptation to bet during World Cup.
Knowing that I am 'fan tai sui' this year, I should not bet.
But I could not help it and yes, I lost 80% of my bets.
So, this is another sad World Cup for me.

I also didn't really enjoyed my birthday this year.
I travel for 3 hours just hoping to get a simple birthday wish fulfilled.
But I didn't get it.
I was disappointed. I was sad. And I ended up alone.
So, it is fair to say that my birthday this year, is something to forget.

Now that I had passed through a bad first half of year 2010.
I really hoped that my second half of year 2010 can pass smoothly.
Let me go through till end of year with no more incidents or troubles.
Even though I am already numb to everything, but I am still hoping.
For better luck and hopefully, a better me.......

What is Love

My blog had not been updated for sometime, I know.
During this time, I was busy sorting out the thoughts in my mind.
About love and all my relationships.

In my life, I had a few relationships.
For every failed relationship, I learn how to be a better boyfriend.
Some reasons for break-ups were:-
1) I am too controlling or possessive.
2) I am too boring.
3) I am too nice.

For number 1 & 2, I had tried my best to change.
I tried to be more understanding, more relax and more trusting.
I also tried to experience different activities or go for holidays.
Being nice is something I can't change though... *wink.

In fact, I did changed somewhat over the years.
Few months ago, I was talking to one of my ex-girlfriend about us.
About how if we had met now instead of 8 years ago?
Strangely, I can remember lots of things about her & our relationship.
She was the girl I really wanted to marry when I was 21 yrs old.
She wants what, loves what, I will make sure I will get for her.
Even when my salary at that time, wasn't high.
However, we broke up because maybe I am too boring.

I was very sad when we broke up because I am a sentimental guy.
I am always serious when it comes to relationship.
But yet, I am also always unlucky in love.
Actually, all I want is to have a girlfriend who understands me.
And love me the way I love her.

I thought I had found one whom I can love for the rest of my life.
But I am not sure about it anymore.
I have no regrets with all my relationships so far.
Even though it brings heartbreaks more than anything.
But I was the one who decided to love and be loved.

I believed what can't kill me will only make me stronger.
I believe one day I will find someone who loves me as much as I love her.
I still believe in love.
I still believe it will happen.